AN ESSAY ON SELF-TRUST

After a winter’s pause, the newsletters continue.  I’ve been busy moving to the next door cabin, taking classes on web designing, and continuing my work with developmentally disabled adults.   Some long-overdue needed changes will be happening on the web site, and I will keep you updated as they unfold.

Nature has been fickle this year in the strangest winter I’ve ever witnessed.  Usually the Colorado River freezes by December or January, and remains so until March.  But this year the river froze and thawed in December, froze and thawed in January, froze again in February and once again thawed before March arrived.  The local beaver that makes a temporary shelter each year on a bend in the river when the freeze comes was thoroughly confused!

In January there was an unusual warm spell, and during a very warm afternoon two bears were seen groggily roaming about the Aspen, Colorado area before disappearing back into hibernation.  Robins arrived in February, a full month earlier than their usual migration.  The month of March has been no different in its extremes.  One week it was warm enough for t-shirts and sandals, the next we were buried in over a foot of snow and couldn’t put enough layers on to stay warm! 

Now finally it is spring.  A time of year that never ceases to amaze me.  I see the trees with their buds, a perfectly planned future within that tiny packet at the end of each limb.  Those buds have all the intelligence needed within them to produce perfect leaves and blossoms.  From tiny buds will unfold an entire community of homes for various birds and bugs and critters. I can already imagine the sound the leaves will make in the wind, or how it will feel to sit beneath their shade.  I marvel at witnessing this magic unfurl. 

This week the trees in my yard have begun to open their leaves.  Soon the neighbor’s houses will disappear and I’ll be in my own world.  Daffodils and crocuses splash colors in the lawn, and teeny violets spring forth fairy-like patches of purple.  All perspective shifts as the season changes from brown and white, to green and rainbows.

A friend asks that I write about self-trust.  “How do you really learn to trust in yourself completely?” she asks.  As I’ve pondered her questions, my attention has been drawn to the buds on the trees.  They have all they need within.  Everything is contained within them for future perfection. 

My answer is that I have learned I cannot trust my human mind at all, this mortal mind with whims and desires as changeable as the weather.  I have learned to trust My Higher Self, though.  And it’s because of the mistakes I’ve made that my trust has deepened. 
Countless times when I’ve experienced a hardship or struggle, there was an inner knowing and a warning of making a change or taking an action that I either didn’t follow right away, or because I lingered in taking action I experienced more discomfort or discord.  When I pause and reflect within, waiting for an inner answer, no matter how big or small the issue, the answer always brings more Harmony.  It’s from getting these answers that helps me trust My Self completely.

My human self can (and has) easily become distracted by other personalities, by inner fears, by food or drink, by images in the media.  This earth plane is very dense, with a lot of human discord to wade through.  The more we open the Light within, the more diligent we have to be to keep our emotional and mental bodies protected.  We don’t do this out of fear, but out of being a part of cleansing ourselves and humanity and the earth.  As long as we are on this plane, we have to pay attention to bring in the Light with every step. With practice, we learn to monitor any discord or belief that is not real, and diligently work to release it. 

My Higher Self, that Mighty I Am Presence that is always there, always available, always providing me with a true inner sense of knowing, works with my sense of right and wrong and my sense of emotional harmony. When something is off kilter, the warning is there.   Usually it’s having the courage to follow that inner truth that is the real problem.  Once I take the path that I KNOW to be the right choice, the resistance ends, and the way is cleared.  The “path” can vary:  sometimes it’s being silent while radiating more Light, sometimes it’s removing myself from a situation, or sometimes it’s speaking out.  The “path” is always a choice of highest Love and Harmony.

We cannot have something without affirming it first.  We MUST take charge of our feelings, for they can quickly sabotage us and keep us in a cycle of thinking that undermines our sense of well being.  Affirmations such as “I trust myself at all times,” “I follow my inner promptings,” “I Am a being of Love and Light, invincibly protected against evil.”  An affirmation that you believe, and will repeatedly use over and over, has complete power to change your belief and sense of well-being.  I have used affirmations daily for years.

Our human natures can become fractured and timid from harsh mistakes.  It can be very healing, and quite natural, to withdraw and hibernate or be extremely cautious in order to gain a sense of self-trust again.  In those times we have to take care not to let doubt grow.  Doubt is like a grain of sand that once lodged beneath the skin, becomes an irritant and festers until its set free.  Getting a different perspective can help.  Moving a few feet away from a situation, or asking an outside opinion can bring about a positive change.

Sometimes we have to ask ourselves tough questions.  Are we trying to validate our feelings to someone else, or ourselves?  What is the persistent issue that won’t go away until it’s addressed?  Is there someone besides me that I need to be honest about my feelings to?  Is it myself I’m not trusting, or am I really afraid of what another person is going to think or feel?

Self-trust comes with lots of practice, continued experience, and daring to act on what we know to be right and true for ourselves.  The mistakes I’ve made along the way have only taught me to trust that Inner Knower more completely.

The trees trust their buds completely.  They are its future joy.  The limbs thrust their buds out to the edge of their reach, holding them out to the Light.  Like the buds, our Higher Selves hold us out to the Light, trusting in our future blossoms and joys to come. Trusting that we will make a beautiful difference to humanity at this time of need.  We have all the intelligence necessary for perfection within us.  Our Higher Selves have no doubt.  Shall we?

Always with Love,
Myriah Krista Walker

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Three Trees
By Myriah Krista Walker

January 1, 2000, the first day of a new century and a new millennium.   I went for a walk up Norman Creek where low-hanging clouds completely hid King Mountain and the mountain peaks of the Flat Tops Wilderness from view.   Yet my own little world was illuminated.  For a several mile radius above, the sun shone through in an unusually large circular opening in the clouds, basking me in unexpected warmth.  It was as though the clouds simply parted as I walked. 

Rainbows shot through the air around me as though I was a prism slicing the ethers with crystalline energy.  Then I witnessed something truly magical.  The various sage, juniper and grasses lining the roadway shimmered and stirred as though from a breeze - yet there was no wind.  They bent with grace several feet before me - yet there was no air current.

I felt they were reacting to the Presence I felt within, responding to the Love and energy emanating outward as I walked.  The shrubbery seemed to nod.  I felt like royalty, a Princess of Light walking amidst the sun, sage and snow.

Behind where I’d just strolled the bushes became still.  They were also still for several yards ahead.  Yet around me on the path, the sage waved gently as if in greeting.

Then an area to my right called to me:  a large ravine scooped out by wind and rain, like a bowl.   The layers of rocks that filled it seemed familiar, as if an ancient civilization had been here.  Following the intuitive pull, I walked off the road and made my way up the hillside, soon finding I was walking upon a well-worn animal path.  An electrical energy zinged through me as though coyote and elk had just wandered through here.  There was a sense of aliveness on this path, and my feet effortlessly moved up the steep trail to the top of the hill. 

Then I saw Them.  Three ancient junipers clinging to the earth like Goddesses, raising Their arms upward to the sun. 

Their Voices were uncloaked, full and vibrant; merely the sight of Their Presence was empowering.  In Them, I saw myself, as though Me, Myself, and I had always been standing upon this hill.  I have met myself in various timelines, witnessed alternative and “past” lives, and yet here I was in another form:  a trinity of bark, wood and leaf enduring throughout time. 

I approached the first Tree in awe, and wrapped my arms around Her as a child to a mother.  I felt Her Comfort wash over me, and instantly tears began to fall down my face.  She was the Tree of Remembrance. 

As I held onto Her I became grounded, bathed and washed in the essence of Security and Comfort.  No matter where I would journey, here was a part of me keeping me safe, whole, and secure. 

I had been feeling vulnerable and scoured after an argument with a family member.  Hurtful energy had been exchanged, and an impasse was now at hand.  I had felt betrayed and abandoned.

But now the Tree of Remembrance beat Her Heartbeat in a rhythm that matched my own.  She surrounded my human form with a cloak of Strength, and I felt something shift within me.   I cried, spilling my sorrows into the folds of her bark. 

Rooted upon a steep slope, over half of Her roots were exposed in midair; the ground falling away steeply beneath Her while the rest of the roots clung to the soil.  How much I was like this Tree.  Sometimes I felt too exposed, too radiant and expanded in my visionary state to walk upon this earth.  Yet the Tree did not worry.  She simply was there.  Mother Earth had made a place and space for Her – and for me. 

I hugged Her, and it was like hugging my Self.  As I wrapped my arms around this grand Matron, the energy of Strength cloaking my form intensified. 

After several minutes, I turned my head and rested my other cheek upon Her bark.  It was then I beheld the second Tree, just several yards ahead.  I began to feel Her pull and invitation to visit. 

She was about 10 yards away, with many wild and thick branches swirling about Her trunk.  As I approached, my steps quickened and my heart beat louder, and as my hands and arms touched Her, I felt Her essence move into the core of me.  She held me tight for several long and silent moments.  It was an embrace of purest Love.

Two large limbs had been cut from Her form, reminding me of the family argument I had partaken in.  Two very big parts of Her had been removed, and yet She remained vibrant and alive, with many thick limbs twisting and spiraling around Her central core. 
As I let my body be caressed and held by Her, I saw how Her trunk had twisted at the time the branches had been cut from Her.  She had twisted the opposite direction and continued growing, as though forcefully turning Her attention away from the event that had caused such discord.

“I never die,” She said audibly, and every molecule of my body vibrated with Her words.  My tears fell like rain as I let go more of my sorrows and hurts into the canyons and trails of wood and bark. 

And I saw what it was that kept me from feeling so stoic and un-moved or affected by those that wished me harm.  It was the energy of Forgiveness.

And then it was that I knew what the name of this One was.  She was the Tree of Perseverance.  Again I heard Her words, “I never die” resounding in my BE-ing.  I felt the vastness of Her Spirit.  It didn’t matter if She was understood, or whether Her words were ever heard.  What mattered was that She Persevered no matter what. 

She KNEW Her true essence was a golden form of spirit.  Vast and limitless.  This expression of life within wood and bark and leaf was simply an exercise in the Strength of Her soil, er um Soul. 

With a clarity of absolute understanding, I realized that I needed to turn away from those that did not understand me, and allow them their own path.  I remembered that my work was important, and that I had something to contribute.  The mesmerism of human thinking that had held me sway was completely dissolved. 

And I also knew then that it never mattered what others thought of me.  From this day forward, it mattered that I remember that I never die, and Who I Really Am.

I left the Tree of Perseverance feeling an inner Strength.  The core of Me was revealed.  Though I seemed vulnerable and sensitive to outside attacks, my True Essence within could never be harmed or touched.  Her words, “I never die,” would reverberate through me for days to come.

I had felt washed clean by the first two Trees.  Inspected inside and out, yet not rejected.  All the while I had beheld the first two Trees, I had felt the force from the third Tree.  She had waited quietly; knowing Her time would come.  She did not seek or pull me magnetically as the Others did, but touched me with a Smile of the Heart.

As soon as my fingers touched the third Tree, I recognized Her, and knew Her Name.  And Her Name was Mother Grace. 

And as I touched Her, everything vanished except for Her and I.  There was no ground, no Earth, no Universe.  No trees, sage, snow, footprints or animal trails.  Just Mother Grace and I spinning into Creation, into the Void.

Any question I had simply escaped of their own accord, and the answers escaped from Her and filled me.  I felt the power of the Mother.  Goddess.  Feminine.  Mother Earth.  Creation.  And I felt this power move through me, making me empty.

This emptiness was welcoming.  It is the same hollow-tube feeling a channeler gets when surrendering and allowing Spirit to move through and speak through them. Or the feeling of giving way to Your Higher Self.  Letting the energy of Grace have Her way with me, I surrendered.

I felt the energy of Grace move through me.  I felt the Presence of Mother Grace with me, and yet She was not separate from me, nor had She ever been.  Any idea I brought to mind was colored and made clear by Her Wisdom. 

I did not wrap my arms around Her as I had with the Others.  I simply placed my hand upon Her wooden form, and was filled with Her Grace.  There was no problem that could not be handled by the Divine Love of Mother Grace. 

These Three Trees have limbs that reach through eternity.  Perhaps you, too, have journeyed just now with these Beloved Friends.  The Tree of Remembrance, the Tree of Perseverance, and Mother Grace.  You have only to think of Them, and there You are.

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Copyright Myriah Krista Walker, grassesroots.com.  Pass and share freely with this attachment.